Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How does it feel to date your dad?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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