why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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