wakey wakey hands off snakey
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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