my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
