So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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