just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
