NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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