So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
