Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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