I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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