omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What a dumb baby whore.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
