apparently the secret to your success is patron
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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