whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
