Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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