How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
