I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
