I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
