so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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