Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
