I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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