i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
