I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's never too late to be topless.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
