I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
