Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
