These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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