I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My breasts were aching with rage.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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