Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
