Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
