either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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