i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
