He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize