I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
