Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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