Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
