He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
