I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
