if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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