Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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