i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
