I'm lost and stupid without you.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
