I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
