I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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