Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
