By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize