He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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