My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
