Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
