Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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