I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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