I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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