Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
