I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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