just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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