apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
