i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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