Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
