I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
