The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
