i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
