how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
