I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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