I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
