Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I touched a dick in church today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
