Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
