her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
