I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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