he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
