you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dont even know how to be here
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
