is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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