he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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