maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
