your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
