I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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