Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
