Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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