I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
