My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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