That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
