But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
