3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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