hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
