Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
