a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize