The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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