I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
