dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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