Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
