Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
