And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
