Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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