If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
