It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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