its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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