All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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