After last night, I could never be a politician.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
