Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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