I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
