i wish there were pregnant emoticons
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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