I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ttyl tear gas
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
