the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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