it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
