also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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