I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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