Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize