I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
