omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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