So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize