everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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