What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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