i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
