I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
