When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
