You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
