i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
