we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
