Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
