I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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