He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
